(Reuters) In an emotional press conference outside the Wanup General Store, local homesteader Rob announced a triumphant and much anticipated return to the world of multi-sport racing, with bombshell news that he had been approached by race organizers to participate in the Xterra Conquer the Crater off road triathlon on August 14, 2021*, happening in the nearby town of Sudbury, Ontario.
Rob, best known for misspelling his own name on LinkedIn, was a familiar character in West Coast endurance sport circles. Easily recognized around Vancouver with his penchant for flamboyant cycling kits and matching cycling accessories; his stalwart performances in the infamous Vancouver Cycle Series invitational elite racing series, and finishing performances in the 2009 Vancouver International Half-Ironman, and 2010 Ironman Canada races, earned him much acclaim in the sport.
Though his triathlon career was on a rocket-like trajectory, controversial investigations by Triathlon Canada into complaints of public 'indecency' during IMC 2010, reports of vandalism and hooliganism by his race-supporters and fans during the same race, followed by a semi-anonymous report made a member of the ominous "Center for Excellence in Internet Surfing" on the suspected use of a banned, leafy substance, led Rob to unofficially retire from the sport and take up homesteading in Ontario.
"I wasn't planning on returning to multi-sport racing", said Rob during the press conference, "but the shortened swim distance, limited registration spots to maintain social distancing, covid travel restrictions meaning zero international competitors, my recent entry into the 40-49 age bracket though being only 39 on race-day, and the recent legalization of previously banned leafy substances, mean that even untrained, this is my best shot at a podium spot in decades."
When asked about his burst of social media activity including the announcement of a new blog Rob said, "My biggest regret from the pinnacle of my racing career was never starting a social media empire or blog like every other triathlete at the time - blogging was a behaviourism so prevalent in the sport that I wanted to maintain some mystique, and develop my reputation purely through my racing performances and word-of-mouth, letting my fame grow organically."
A confused reporter asked, "What is Greater Wanup? and what can we expect from this so called 'blog'?"
"Greater Wanup, not to be confused with Wanup itself, is generally considered to be the the area along Hwy 537 in North Eastern Ontario between the community of Wanup in the South, and Wanapitei to the North. The Greater Wanup Triathlon Club was founded on July 27, 2021, with the aim to bring elite multi-sport racing and training to the area of Greater Wanup.", said Rob.
"With the race only 18 days away this blog aims to document and advertise my unique and successful approach to training cycles, with rapid periodization, and extended tapering. I will be using all of the tricks and techniques learned during my many days of intense training, and multi-year tapers to take a shot for the podium on August 14".
With the press conference concluded, the confused on-lookers, mainly patrons who were attempting to get into the the General Store, brushed passed the press gallery and into the store to purchase beer and chicken feed.
* Definitions of 'Approached by' may and include stumbling upon the race website in this context.
